There Will Be No Miracles Here
by Emono
Summary: Insecurities take over Speed, and he breaks up with Tony to keep them from harm. But is he just hurting them more? Will Tony stand for his dumb self-righteousness? Tony DiNozzo/Speed; ANGST, slash, M/M


**Title**: There Will Be No Miracles Here  
**Author**: Emono  
**Rating**: FRM  
**Fandom**: NCIS/CSI: Miami  
**Pairings**: Tony DiNozzo/Tim Speedle  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but a poetic license  
**Summary**: Insecurities take over Speed, and he breaks up with Tony to keep them from harm. But is he just hurting them more? Will Tony stand for his dumb self-righteousness?  
**Beta**: gil_follower  
**Warnings**: Slash, angst, happy ending, smut

**AN**: So I was writing this Tony/Speed prompt story, and I planned to only write this once. Then my muses started getting restless, and Tony was bitching at me for such a crappy ending. Actually, a person merely signed 'A' made a comment that kind of sparked the end. She left a review that said "_Your not writing a enough of 'the love' _". Sure, it was for Nick/Greg CSI ficlet, but it's the same principle. And I realized, damn she's right. So I couldn't just leave it at one sad prompt, or even at two sad ficlets. No, I made a happy ending J

**1. Hurt Me Needlessly**

It was a normal night for Tony DiNozzo. A cold beer, some lasagna, and a basketball game. He was lounging lazily on the couch, content after a day of work. The only thing that would have made it better was if he had his lover here with him…fat chance, though. Speed was all the way down in Miami, and they almost never got to see each other.

Twice a month, max.

There was a harsh knock on the door halfway through his dinner. He frowned, but rolled himself off the couch to answer it. It better be a headless zombie coming to recruit him and take over the world…with the day he had, that's about all he could tolerate.

Yet the door swung open to reveal his lover.

"Speed?" Tony's face broke into a smile that lit up his eyes like Christmas lights "I…I can't believe it!"

"Believe it" Speed muttered. He simply stood there, leather riding jacket pulled tight around him and blood-red sunglasses perched atop his head. Tony could tell instantly he hadn't been riding, but the gear had come second-nature to his speed-loving boyfriend. He shifted his weight, looking as if he were about to walk up to the gallows.

Tony's heartstrings tugged at the sight, what could have happened? He reached out to bring Speed into a comforting hug, only to find a solid hand planted in the middle of his chest and shoving him back. His smile faded completely at the cold action, unsure of what it meant.

"Speed…?"

"It's over, DiNozzo" Speed's voice was clipped and harsh, but final.

Tony met those dark eyes and found a stoic cool, "You don't mean that."

"Of course I do" the CSI wasn't backing down "It's over, there's nothing left between us. It was a good fling, but I'm done. There's just nothing there…"

Speed's voice faltered, something akin got grief flashing in his eyes before the cool bastard returned, "I don't want to see you again. Not here, and not in Miami."

What little part of Tony that wasn't shocked and hurt rose up, "You can't stop me from-"

"I'll get a restraining order if I have to, DiNozzo" Speed snapped, fists clenched in his jacket "Just…stay away from me"

Tony's heart absolutely broke. He leant bonelessly against the doorway, knowing he must have looked pathetic…but he didn't care. This was so sudden, so…

They had been happy, he was sure of it. He knew Speed had been happy, he made the man laugh like no one else. Sure, the CSI bitched that they never had enough time together, but they _both_ had done that.

Speed turned away, giving a profile shot. His eyes were locked on the floor of the hall, and for just a moment Tony knew his lover didn't want this. He was just being self-righteous or something else equally as dumb. Tony reached out, brushing the CSI's shoulder, only to have him flinch away. Speed should have just punched him, it would have hurt a lot less than that tiny gesture.

Speed raised his head, but didn't look at his lover, "Goodbye."

Tony wouldn't let him go so easily, "So, you felt nothing? You didn't love me…not even a little bit?"

The CSI's lips pursed, "No."

Speed started to walk away, and something inside the brunette snap.

"I love you" the words tumbled out heedlessly, shocking both of them. Speed had started to walk away, but stumbled when those words met his ears. "I love you, Tim."

Speed glanced back once more, pain etched in every line of his face, "Goodbye, Tony."

Then Speed was gone. Down the hall and disappearing into the elevator, all before Tony could do anything to stop him. The brunette shivered in the cold of the hall, then retreated into his apartment.

That was it, it was done. In the course of ten minutes, his life was torn into shreds. He stood there in his living room, eyes closed and fists clenched. Speed was out of his life, just as quickly as he'd come into it. All that time together…_wasted_.

His heart ached at the suddenness of it all.

No more Tim. No more long debates between the pros and cons of books and TV. No more arguing over movie logic, or throwing quotes back and forth. No more lazy weekends lying in bed, exploring each other. No more rough kisses, no more stubble-burn to hide. No more sending dirty text messages only to receive a growl of a phone call (but the CSI secretly loved it.) No more week-long vacations under the warm Miami sun…at least, not with good company.

No more sex…no more lover.

No more Speed.

He didn't mind the way his nails bit into his palms, the pain was welcome.

Tony glanced up at the calendar on a whim, immediately unclenching his fists and dropping his jaw.

It would've been there one-year anniversary next week.

**2. This hurts me more than it hurts you**

Speed looked up at the calendar in the lab, curious for what date to put in his report. Sometimes the days blended together, but that was his job. The mysterious and the tedious, a life biography by Tim Speedle.

He gave a faint laugh, then spotted the day. He had only gotten down the second number on paper before it registered what day it was, his hand jerked so badly his pen fell to the floor.

His anniversary with Tony was in a week…one year together.

Speed should have been happy. He should have smiled and did a ritualistic dance of happiness to the CSI Gods. He should have called Tony and informed him, laugh at the greatness of it together and admit neither had survived a relationship this long before. He should have been making plans, or running to find Calleigh so she could giggle and spout some witty Southern thing.

Instead, he froze.

Fear filled him. Cold, unadulterated terror. He couldn't breath for a moment, and when he finally did it was more of a gasp. He hadn't realized it had been that long, how could he have been with Tony _that_ long and not notice it? It went by so fast, he hadn't realized how long…

And why did it scare him?

Because Tony made him happy. They matched in trivia and wit, though his snark won hands down. They talked shop and bikes, basketball and forensics. Thought Tony whipped his ass at video games, he still needed Speed to download it. Tony loved Italian food, and Speed loved to cook. They meshed so well, personalities, clashing just enough to make it interesting.

But what if he screwed it up? What if he said the wrong thing (as usual) and Tony left him because he was a sarcastic, broody bastard? What if Tony felt like the relationship was holding him down? What if they couldn't survive the long distance thing? Was Tony going to pressure him into moving?

No, never…

But _what if_?

So Speed realized what if he had to do, he had to end it.

He had to psych himself up all the way to the airport, and he went into several bouts of anger/depression on the plane alone. In a daze, he had rented a room for a night by phone. By cab, he made his way to his lover's apartment for the last time. He had been watching the Washington scene go by in the dirty window when he realized he was still wearing his riding jacket and thick shades.

It disgusted him how eager he was to get over it.

Too soon, Speed was knocking on the door. He schooled his features into a cool façade, he couldn't give away how much this hurt him. It had to be done now…if this were drawn out any further it would just lead to a greater ache. This he was sure of, it was an absolute.

"Speed?" Tony answered the door, immediately smiling brightly at the sight of him "I…I can't believe it!"

"Believe it" Speed managed to get out, knowing he was going to take the light from his lover's eyes.

A sympathetic look passed over his lover, and he reached out to embrace him. Speed panicked, he knew the moment his lover touched him he would break down and throw himself at him. He couldn't risk that, he had to stop it. Speed placed his palm on his lover's chest, savoring the last contact for just a second before shoving the brunette back.

Tony's smile faded, "Speed…?"

Speed steeled his voice, "It's over, DiNozzo."

The agent looked into his eyes, "You don't mean that."

"Of course I do" Speed straightened his shoulders, lips pursed "It's over, there's nothing left between us. It was a good fling, but I'm done. There's just nothing there…"

Gods, every word broke his heart. His mind was screaming over and over that it was all a lie, and that he loved Tony. His voice faltered for just a moment, grief overtaking him. Then he knew he couldn't stop now, it was already halfway over.

"I don't want to see you again. Not here, and not in Miami."

Speed wasn't surprised that when his lover turned angry, "You can't stop me from-"

"I'll get a restraining order if I have to, DiNozzo" Speed cut him off sharply, fists clenching even as he realized that if Tony got angry this would be easier "Just…stay away from me"

Damn him! Tony's anger faded too fast, he slumped against the doorway. The man looked absolutely rejected, eyes at half-mast and lips curled in a frown. Speed couldn't watch this, he couldn't see this fun-loving carefree man reduced to heartbreak.

Speed turned away, eyes locked on the floor. Ok, now he just had to walk away. His feet weren't cooperating, apparently they wanted to stay here with the Special Agent. Tony suddenly reached out, warm fingers brushing his shoulder. Speed jolted at this, jerking away. He couldn't take this, he was five minutes away from throwing himself at the man's feet and begging forgiveness.

He raised his head, eyes locked firmly on the elevator down the hall, "Goodbye."

Tony spoke up in a voice that was two parts inquiring and one part teary, "So, you felt nothing? You didn't love me…not even a little bit?"

Speed's lower lip trembled, but he pursed them firmly, "No."

He was walking away, it was over…

"I love you" the words struck him like a slap, he nearly tripped over his own feet "I love you, Tim."

Speed looked back at his lover, barely fighting off tears, "Goodbye, Tony."

He all but ran out of there, unable to stand another moment.

Speed took the cab back to the hotel, finding himself alone in an unfamiliar room with only an extra set of clothes. He nearly clawed at his face, trying to force away the tears. He was being a bitch about this, it shouldn't be this hard. He broke up with Tony to save them both from complete misery!

"I only did this for you" Tim muttered to the darkened corners of the room "I'm only trying to _save_ you."

The plight sounded pathetic even to _his_ ears.

Speed collapsed on the bed, knowing he was wrong but denying it.

Tony _loved_ him, and he had set him free by sticking a knife in his heart.

**3. (Don't) Accept Defeat**

Speed awoke who knows how many hours later. He groaned, burying his face deeper into the horribly patterned blanket and praying it would all go away. The pain of loss was still throbbing hotly in his gut, making each breath that much more harder.

He almost screamed when a warm hand settled in the dip of his back, skidding at the line of his shirt. He rolled away, scrambling until he all but plastered against the headboard.

"Tony?" Speed was breathless, his eyes were wide "You…you can't be…what the hell are you doing here?"

"It's our anniversary next week" Tony gave him a weak smile, looking drawn but determined "Do you think I'd forget something like that? It's important for a couple of relationship deficient people like us."

Speed couldn't think of anything other than, "I'm not relationship deficient."

"We _both_ are" Tony let his fingers caress his lover's denim-clad calf, sighing in relief when his lover didn't flinch away "And you have to quit doing this to yourself, Speed."

"I'm not doing anything" Speed's eyelashes fluttered at the firm touch, warmth bleeding through the denim "Get out of here, DiNozzo."

"Stop being a bastard and listen" Tony's voice was stern, and the CSI clamped down on his sharp tongue "You always push people away, and I figured out that only those to stubborn to listen stay with you. Alexx just kept mothering you until you couldn't breath, Horatio shovels food down your throat and keeps you at this side. Well, you're not pushing me away Tim. You're mine, and I'm yours. We've been through a lot, we survived the long distance and the hectic schedules. You're not ruining the best thing that's every happened because you're insecure."

Speed was touched at the words, but flabbergasted all the same.

"You can push me away all you want, but I'm still going to be here" Tony moved up, cupping a scruffy cheek in his palm and leaning in "The only question here is how hard you're going to push."

Speed's resolve crumbled instantly, striking out in a moment and curling his fingers in fine brunette hair. He crashed their mouths together, teeth clacking painfully for a moment before they slipped into their rhythm. All the pain slipped away in that moment, hands fisting in shirts and clutching at every bit they could get.

What was he thinking? Speed pressed harder, loving the coffee and beer essence lingering under his lover's tongue. How could he have thought he could give this up? This wholeness, this love, these feelings that only Tony could bring out of him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It was so stupid…" Speed murmured breathlessly, barely pulling away enough to separate their lips "I love you too. Forgive me?""Every time" Tony promised with a smile, seizing his lips once more.

They stayed in that bed for hours, enjoying each caress and kiss. They rolled languidly on top of the blanket, giving and taking control as fluidly as water. Clothes were shed without pause or break in passion, they refused to pull away for more than a sparse breath. They couldn't get enough of one another, relearning every inch of skin with their fingertips and lips.

Time went by, they passed the time kisses in the most intimate places and lube slicking the way for the final act.

Speed finally straddled his lover's hips, both gloriously naked. Tony kneaded at the base of the paler man's throat, the coolness of the headboard stinging at his bare back before it warmed with his body heat. The exquisite torture was worth this moment, being filled and surrounded by his lover. They hadn't done this in months, he had almost forgotten that delicious burn once Tony was all the way inside him.

"Tim, baby" Tony moaned in his ear, his hands caressing down his lover's thigh and up his back "I missed you so much."

"Missed you too" Speed groaned, grasping tan shoulders and riding him in long strokes that had them both a little dizzy. They didn't have to rush, this wasn't a quick romp in the back of a Hummer or a hasty blow job in the elevator with Gibbs waiting on the other side of the door. This was _them_, alone and together and wanting nothing more than to stay that way.

"I'm sorry" Speed swore again, brushing sweet kisses down the slick line of his lover's neck "Let's try not to be stupid again, ok?"

"Can't promise anything" Tony thrust up hard, delighting in the way he made his lover mewl "Except to stay with you, and love you."

"That'll just have to do" Speed moaned, nailing biting into tan shoulders "Come on, Anthony, _harder_."

Speed found himself flat on his back, legs hiked up on the older man's waist and lips captured.

Oh yeah, they couldn't get enough of each other.

Later, lying naked and slick on top of the blankets, they finally smiled and laughed. Sometimes life could only throw so much crap at you before you broke and everything turned extremely funny. People could be so stupid sometimes, and just because they spoke for those who couldn't didn't make them exceptions. Feds and CSI's alike fell into love's trap, that came with the good and the bad.

Yes, they were just stupid humans scrambling around with no sense of anything other than themselves. They were selfish and broody, they were possessive and temperamental. They were lustful creatures, for flesh and food and substance of all kinds. People killed and maimed without thought, they took what they could and destroyed what they couldn't have. They rotated in an endless cycle of violence and greed, briefly interrupted by death but coming back threefold every time. Worse than before, more hungry and vengeful.

Speed laced their fingers, pulling the sleepy brunette out of bed and towards the shower.

But you know what? They were in _love_, and that made it ok to be human…

For a while, at least.

**Fin**


End file.
